Forget about the past, you can't change it.
Forget about the future, you can't predict it.
Forget about the present, I didn't get you one.
Artificial intelligence is a wonderful thing.
I told my computer that today is my birthday,
and it said that I needed an upgrade.
Some employees bought their boss a gift for his birthday. Before opening the gift, the boss shook it slightly, and noticed that it was wet in the corner. Touching his finger to the wet spot and tasting it, he asked, "A bottle of wine?"
His employees replied, "No."
Again, he touched his finger to the box and tasted the liquid. "A bottle of scotch?"
"His employees replied again, "No."
Finally the boss asked, "I give up. What is it?"
His workers responded, "A puppy."
Q. What did George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Christopher Columbus all have in common?
A. They were all born on holidays.
Q. What was the average age of a cave man?
A. Stone Age!
Q. What goes up and never comes down?
A. Your age!
Q. What party game do rabbits like to play?
A. Musical Hares!
Q. What did the bald man say when he got a comb for his birthday?
A. Thanks. I'll never part with it!
Q. Why was the stationmaster's son having a cake on a train seat?
A. It was his berth-day.
Blowing out candles is good exercise for the lungs.
The only assured gift that every one of us gets on our birthday is another year.
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese.
Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.
Birthdays are nature's way of telling us to eat more cake.