• What beats his chest and swings from Christmas cake to Christmas cake?
Answer: Tarzipan!

• Do I have permission to eat a dog this Christmas?
Answer: Only Turkey like everyone else.

• Eskimos sing what during their dinner?
Answer: "Whale meat again, don't know where, don't know when”!

• What did the big cracker say to the small cracker during the Christmas Eve dinner?
Answer: My pop is bigger than yours!

• Name someone who is never hungry during the whole Christmas?
Answer: The turkey- it is stuffed.

• What is the name of the bird which has wings but cannot ever fly?
Answer: Roast Turkey.

• What best you can put into the Christmas cake?
Answer: Your teeth.

• What if you eat Christmas decorations?
Answer: You get tinsel-itus !

• What vampires put on the stuffed turkey during the Christmas Eve dinner?
Answer: Grave-y!

• Have you ever heard about a stupid turkey?
Answer: It was looking forward to Christmas!

• Why the ocean's full of currants this year?
Answer: Because last year's Christmas pudding was so awful I threw it in the ocean.

• Is that policeman eating turkey?
Answer: No, he's eating truncheon meat.

• How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas?
Answer: Deep pan, crisp and even!

• What ducks do right before the Christmas dinner?
Answer: Pull their Christmas Quakers!