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New Year Jokes

Read these funny new year jokes and passage of time. You can also include them in e-greetings and send them to your friends.

Funny Jokes for New Year

We will open the book,
Its pages are blank.
We are going to put words on them ourselves.
The book is called Opportunity and
Its first chapter is New Years Day.

What happened to the Irish man who thought about the evils of drinking in the New Year? He gave up thinking.

What happens every year when the Time Square Ball drops? Justin Bieber gets jealous

Women get a little more excited about New Years Eve than men do. It’s like an excuse: you drink too much, you make a lot of promises you’re not going to keep; the next morning as soon as you wake up you start breaking them. For men, we just call that a date.

Oh My Dear, Forget Ur Fear,
Let All Ur Dreams Be Clear,
Never Put Tear, Please Hear,
I Want to Tell One Thing in ur Ear
Wishing u a Very “Happy New Year…

New Year Jokes - Funny New Year Joke

Renewal Of Friendship Contract 2016
After Serious And Cautious Consideration,
Your Contract Has Been Renewed For The Year 2016.
So, try to be more LOVING and CARING next year.
Take care of Me and Miss me.
Because, It’s Impossible To Find A Friend
Who is
95% Ideal
96% Smart
97% Kind
98% True
100% Lovable
Don’t lose Whom U Never Want To Lose.
Wish you a Very Happy New Year

On New Year's Eve, Marilyn stood up in the local pub and said that it was time to get ready. At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living. Well, it was kind of embarrassing. As the clock struck, the bartender was almost crushed to death.

To kick start my New Year:
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

I resolve... I resolve 2...
I resolve 2, uh...
I resolve 2, uh, get my, er...
I resolve 2, uh, get my, er,
off-line work theone, to!

New Year Jokes - Closer to death joke

A friend asks his friend 4 a cigrtte. His friend says
I think u made a Nw Yr resolution 2 quit smoking.
Da man says. I am in da process of quitting.Right now
I am in da middle of phase 1. What's phase 1?
I've quit buying

Nw Yr's Day: Now is da accepted time 2 make ur regular annual
good resolutions. Next week u can begin paving hell with dam as usual.

On New Year's Eve, Daniel was in no shape to drive, so he sensibly left his van in the car park and walked home. As he was wobbling along, he was stopped by a policeman. 'What are you doing out here at four o'clock in the morning?' asked the police officer.
'I'm on my way to a lecture,' answered Roger.
'And who on earth, in their right mind, is going to give a lecture at this time on New Year's Eve?' enquired the constable sarcastically.
'My wife,' slurred Daniel grimly.

Jemima was taking an afternoon nap on New Year's Eve before the festivities. After she woke up, she confided to Max, her husband, 'I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond ring for a New Year's present. What do you think it all means?'
'Aha, you'll know tonight,' answered Max smiling broadly.
At midnight, as the New Year was chiming, Max approached Jemima and handed her small package. Delighted and excited she opened it quickly. There in her hand rested a book entitled: 'The meaning of dreams'.

New Year home decoration jokes

John, at a New Year's party, turns to his friend, Dave, and asks for a smoke.
“I thought you made a New Year's resolution and that you don’t smoke,” Dave says.
“I'm in the process of quitting,” replies John with a grin. “I am in the middle of phase one.”
“Phase one?” asks David.
“Yeah,” laughs John, “I've quit buying.”

New Year's Resolution jokes

“Families are complicated enough, but things became even more confusing after my father decided to get married to my brother's mother-in-law. "Now I can't make up my mind whether he's my dad or my father-in- law," says my brother, "or if my mother-in-law is now my stepmother, or whether my child is my daughter or my niece.”

Husband asks: Do you know the meaning of WIFE.
It means, ‘Without Information Fighting Every time’
WIFE says: No, it means ‘With Idiot for Ever’
Happy New Year 2016

Boy to a Girl :
“You Are Like A COIN”
Girl: hmmm, wow realy..??
Boy: No,no actualy i Want To Say ,
Theepay day mounh waliye.
Happy New Year.

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