Halloween Jokes for you to enjoy ! Share a joke with someone

Captain Ghost
And all his crew,
Let me crack
A joke on you!

Like all other occasions, Halloween also has its fair share of jokes and jesting. Here we have some really cool Halloween jokes for you. Enjoy these witty one-liners and share them with your friends. If Captain Ghost makes a visit, don’t be scared. Share these with him. He’ll love it too. Click here to send this page to your friends.

happy halloween jokes

Here are some one liner happy Halloween Jokes for you. Hope you will like them, and share them with your friends

Max: What are a ghost’s favorite rides at the fair?
Bill: Tell me.
Max: The scary-go-round and rollerghoster!

A ghost had been staying in a bed and breakfast hotel and when he came down for dinner he asked the waitress, "Please can I have two eggs, one tough and one rubbery, really tough bacon and burned, fried bread?"
The waitress said, "Sir, we really can't serve that kind of horrid food here."
The ghost replied, "Well, you did yesterday!"

Patient: Doctor, I think that I've been bitten by a vampire.
Doctor: Drink this glass of water.¬
Patient: Will it make me better?
Doctor: No, but I'll be able to see if your neck leaks.

What did the mother ghost say to the baby ghost as they
drove down the street?
Buckle your sheet belt!

Race: Why don’t ghosts like rain on Halloween?
Harvey: Why?
Race: It dampens their spirits!

Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap -tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones. "Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath, "You scared us half to death -- we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?" "Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"

Q: Why are vampires tough to get along with?
A: Because they can be pains in the neck!
Q: What do you call a single vampire?
A: A bat-chelor.
Top 10 Signs You Are Too Old to Be Trick or Treating:
10. You get winded from knocking on the door.
9. You have to have a kid chew the candy for you.
8. You ask for high fiber candy only.
7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over.
6. People say, "Great Keith Richard's mask!" and you're not wearing a mask.
5. When the door opens you yell, "Trick or ..." and can't remember the rest.
4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders.
3. You have to carefully choose a costume that won't dislodge your hairpiece.
2. You're the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker.
1. You avoid going to houses where your ex-wives/ex-husbands live.

Three vampires went into a bar and sat down. The barmaid came over to take their orders. "And what would you, er, gentlemen like tonight?"
The first vampire said, "I'll have a mug of blood." The second vampire said, "I'll have a mug of blood." The third vampire shook his head at his companions and said, "I'll have a glass of plasma."
The barmaid wrote down each order, went to the bar and called to the bartender, "Two bloods and a blood light".

woman whose husband often came home drunk decided to cure him of the habit. One Halloween night, she put on a devil suit and hid behind a tree to intercept him on the way home.
When her husband came by, she jumped out and stood before him with her red horns, long tail, and pitchfork.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"I'm the Devil!" she responded.
"Well, come on home with me," he said, "I married your sister!"



Q: What did the really ugly man do for a living?
A: He posed for Halloween masks!



Q: What is a childs's favourite type of Halloween candy?
A: Lots a candy!



A few days after Halloween, Sally came home with a bad report card. Her mother asked why her grades were so low.
Sally answered, "Because everything is marked down after holidays!"



Q: What do ghosts eat for breakfast on Halloween?
A: Shrouded Wheat. Ghost Toasties. Scream of Wheat. Terr-fried eggs. Rice Creepies.



Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Annie.
Annie who?
Annie body home?



Peter: Do you like the vampire?
Jack: Yes, it was love at first bite!



Q: Where does Dracula keep his valuables?
A: In a blood bank.



David: Which ghost is the best dancer?
Joseph: I don’t know.
David: The Boogie Man!



Q: How do monsters tell their future?
A: They read their horrorscope.



Two monsters went to a party. Suddenly one said to the other, “A lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?”
“Be a gentleman and roll them back to her.”



The young ghost went trick or treating.
A nighbor asked her, "Who are your parents?"
"Deady and Mummy," she answered.



Martin: What is a ghost’s favorite Cub Scout event?
Bryan: What?
Martin: Boo and Gold.
Martin: What is a witch’s favorite Cub Scout event?
Bryan: I give up.
Martin: Brew and Gold.
Martin: What is a werewolf’s favorite Cub Scout event?
Bryan: What?
Martin: Pack meetings, of course!



Q: What do call the ratio of a jack-o-lantern’s circumference to it’s diameter?
A: Pumpkin π.



Q: What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?
A: Hope it's Halloween...



Q: What do call the ratio of a jack-o-lantern’s circumference to it’s diameter?
A: Pumpkin π.



Q: What did the daddy ghost say to his son?
A: Don't spook until spooken to!



Advice to a witch on a broomstick: "Don't fly off the handle!"



Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Bea.
Bea who?
Bea-ware, tonight is Halloween!



On the morning of Halloween, the teacher told the class, "We'll have only half a day of school this morning."
The children cheered.
Then she said, "And we'll have the second half this afternoon."
This time the children moaned!

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