Jokes on Christmas in July
I am a bus driver for high school
kids. It is Christmas time and the kids all gave me cards and presents.
Now I'm thinking, "Man, I must be a good driver and the kids
even like me."
I opened the cards when I got home. On the inside of one card it
said: "Thanks for not killing us yet. We really appreciate
As a little girl climbed onto Santa's
lap, Santa asked the usual question, "And what would you like
The child stared at him open mouthed
and horrified for a minute, then gasped: "Didn't you get my
Ways to Confuse Santa Claus
1. While he's in your house, go find
his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket.
2. Leave him a note, explaining that
you've gone away for the holidays. Ask if he would mind watering
3. Leave out a copy of your Christmas
list with last-minute changes and corrections.
4. While he's in the house, cover the
top of the chimney with barbed wire.
5. Instead of milk and cookies, leave
him a salad and a note explaining that you think he could stand
to lose a few pounds.
6. Leave Santa a note, explaining that
you've moved. Include a map with unclear and hard-to-read directions
to your new house and ask for your gifts to be delivered there.
7. While he's on the roof, yell up to
Santa, asking if he'd mind adjusting your TV antenna. When he does
so, tell him, "That's good" and don't let him move until
the commercials come on.
One Christmas Eve Santa Claus decided to give his reindeer a vacation.
In their place, he got eight monkeys to pull the sleigh. The names
of the monkeys were Do, Re, Fa, So, La, Ti, and Do.
"What about Mi?"
All right, you can pull the sleigh, too!