Christmas in July Jokes

Jokes on Christmas in July

I am a bus driver for high school kids. It is Christmas time and the kids all gave me cards and presents. Now I'm thinking, "Man, I must be a good driver and the kids even like me."
I opened the cards when I got home. On the inside of one card it said: "Thanks for not killing us yet. We really appreciate it."

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As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, Santa asked the usual question, "And what would you like for Christmas?"

The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped: "Didn't you get my E-mail?"

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Ways to Confuse Santa Claus

1. While he's in your house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket.

2. Leave him a note, explaining that you've gone away for the holidays. Ask if he would mind watering your plants.

3. Leave out a copy of your Christmas list with last-minute changes and corrections.

4. While he's in the house, cover the top of the chimney with barbed wire.

5. Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.

6. Leave Santa a note, explaining that you've moved. Include a map with unclear and hard-to-read directions to your new house and ask for your gifts to be delivered there.

7. While he's on the roof, yell up to Santa, asking if he'd mind adjusting your TV antenna. When he does so, tell him, "That's good" and don't let him move until the commercials come on.

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One Christmas Eve Santa Claus decided to give his reindeer a vacation. In their place, he got eight monkeys to pull the sleigh. The names of the monkeys were Do, Re, Fa, So, La, Ti, and Do.
"What about Mi?"
All right, you can pull the sleigh, too!