Jokes for Purim. A good laugh is always good for mind and the soul, and more
so, if it happens to be in tune with the ongoing festival. We have a small
collection of Purim jokes below. We hope that you will like them.
Please forward this site to your friends, for jokes are for sharing!
Also note that these are just jokes, not be taken seriously. Enjoy !
It's winter in Russia and the people are hungry. The town council announces that
meat will be arriving so all everyone gets on line to wait for the meat. After
an hour of waiting in the snow and the freezing cold, the town council announces
that there will be less meat coming then expected, all Jews go home. So, all the
Jews leave the line. Another hour goes by and, again, the town council announces
there will be less than expected food arriving, all non-communists go home. All
the non-communists leave the line. Another hour, and the town council announces
there will be no food arriving, everybody go home. As one man trudges home
through the snow, he turns to his friend and says "you see, the Jews always get
to go home first!"
Four Jewish ladies are playing a game of cards in Miami Beach. The first lady
sighs and says, "Oy..." The second lady nods, sighs, and says, "Oy vey!" The
third lady says, "Oy veys meer!" The fourth lady chimes in: "Enough talk about
the children already. Let's get back to the game."
A man is having a problem with his son and goes to see his rabbi. "I sent him to
Hebrew School and gave him a very expensive Bar Mitzvah," says the man, "and now
he tells me he's decided to be a Christian! Rabbi, where did I go wrong?" "Funny
you should come to me," said the Rabbi. "I also brought my boy up in the faith
and gave him a fancy Bar Mitzvah. Then one day he, too, tells me he's decided to
become a Christian." "So what did you do?" asked the man. "I turned to God for
the answer" replied the Rabbi. "And what did he say?" pressed the man. "God
said, 'Funny you should come to me...' "
A rabbi who's been leading a congregation for many years is upset by the fact
that he's never been able to eat pork. So he devises a plan whereby he flies to
a remote tropical island and checks into a hotel. He immediately gets himself a
table at the finest restaurant and orders the most expensive pork dish on the
menu. As he's eagerly waiting for it to be served, he hears his name called from
across the restaurant. He looks up to see 10 of his loyal congregants
approaching. His luck, they'd chosen the same time to visit the same remote
location! Just at that moment, the waiter comes out with a huge silver tray
carrying a whole roasted pig with an apple in its mouth. The rabbi looks up
sheepishly at his congregants and says, "Wow - you order an apple in this place
and look how it's served!"
The rabbi was an avid golfer and played at every opportunity. He was so addicted
to the game that if he didn't play he would get withdrawal symptoms. One Yom
Kippur, the rabbi thought to himself, "What's it going to hurt if I go out
during the recess and play a few rounds. Nobody will be the wiser and I'll be
back in time for services." Sure enough, at the conclusion of the morning
service, the rabbi snuck out of the synagogue and headed straight for the golf
course. Looking down upon the scene were Moses and G-d. Moses said, "Look how
terrible a Jew on Yom Kippur. And a rabbi besides!" G-d replied, "Watch, I'm
going to teach him a lesson." Out on the course, the rabbi stepped up to the
first tee. When he hit the ball, it careened of a tree, struck a rock, skipped
across a pond and landed in the hole for a HOLE IN ONE! Seeing all this, Moses
protested: "G-d, this is how you're going to teach him a lesson? He got a hole
in one!" "Sure", said G-d, "but who's he going to tell?"