The warm summer days are here again and it is time for some sweat, some fun, some exhaustion and some exhilaration. Add to your summer merriment with these amusing jokes themed to the season. Enjoy these summer jokes yourself and click here to refer this page with your friends and dear ones and share your laughter with them all. Celebrate a funfilled summer!
Check out these rib-tickling jokes and enhance your summer fun:
THE BLONDE TAKES ON GRASSHOPPER BIOLOGY
A blonde biology student conducts an experiment on grasshoppers.
She pulls off one of its legs at a time and yells, "Hop." The grasshopper hops each time until all of its legs are gone.
The blonde concludes: when all the legs of a grasshopper are removed, it becomes deaf.
DEVIL IN THE CHURCH
One Sunday morning, Satan appeared before a small town congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away.
Soon, everyone was gone, except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly. Satan walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
Satan asked, "Aren't you going to run?"
"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.
Perturbed, Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"
The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."
FORGET ABOUT IT
An elderly husband and wife visit their doctor when they begin forgetting little things. Their doctor tells them that many people find it useful to write themselves little notes.
When they get home, the wife says, "Dear, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? And maybe write that down so you won't forget?"
"Nonsense," says the husband, "I can remember a dish of ice cream."
"Well," says the wife, "I'd also like some strawberries and whipped cream on it."
"My memory's not all that bad," says the husband. "No problem -- a dish of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream. I don't need to write it down."
He goes into the kitchen; his wife hears pots and pans banging around. The husband finally emerges from the kitchen and presents his wife with a plate of bacon and eggs.
She looks at the plate and asks, "Hey, where's the toast I asked for?"
Three old ladies sit in a diner, discussing their health.
One lady says, "You know, I'm getting really forgetful. This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldn't remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down."
The second lady says, "You think that's bad? The other day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed, and I couldn't remember whether I was going to sleep or had just woken up!"
The third lady smiles smugly. "Well, my memory is just as good as it's always been, knock on wood," she says as she raps on the table. Then with a startled look on her face, she asks, "Who's there?"
A mother took her little boy to church.
While in church the little boy said, “Mommy, I have to pee.”
The mother said to the little boy, “It’s not appropriate to say the word ‘pee’ in church. So, from now on whenever you have to ‘pee’ just tell me that you have to ‘whisper’.”
The following Sunday, the little boy went to church with his father and during the service said to his father, “Daddy, I have to whisper.“
The father looked at him and said, “Okay, just whisper in my ear.”
One day, after school was over, a teacher walked up to one of her students. For a school assignment she asked him to find four phrases,write them down then give them back to her the next day.
So, the student reached home and asked his mom if she had a phrase.
"Shut up!!!", exclaimed the mom.
Next, the student went to his brother and asked if he had a phrase.
"Bada bada BATMAN!!!", laughed the brother.
Next, the student went to the neighborhood janitor and asked if he had a phrase.
"Garbage, garbage, garbage, nothing but garbage all day long!", complained the janitor.
Finally for his final phrase the student asked the town baker if he had a phrase.
"My buns are burning, my buns are burning!", shouted the baker.
The next day at school the student waltzed up to his teacher's desk
"Do you have your four phrases", asked the Teacher?
"Shut up!", shouted the student.
The teacher felling very hurt asked,
"Who do you think you are!?"
"Bada bada BATMAN", laughed the student.
"What are you getting out of all this school?", asked the teacher.
"Garbage, garbage, garbage, nothing but garbage all day long!"
Then the teacher spanked the student and he went around yelling "MY BUNS ARE BURNING MY BUNS ARE BURNING!"
How many Bibles did you sell?
Three little boys were looking for a summer job. Their preacher needed some people to go around and sell Bibles, so the preacher hired two boys without even thinking twice. He was hesitant about hiring the third boy because he suffered from a speech impediment, but hired him anyway.
So after the first days of work, they all met back at the church. The preacher looked at the first boy and asked him, "How many bibles did you sell?"
The boy stood up and said, "35."
"Is that all you sold?" the preacher asked.
"He looked at the second boy and asked him the same thing.
The boy said, "75."
"That's good," the preacher replied. He didn't want to ask the third boy but did. The boy with the speech impediment said, "I-I-I s-s-sold 175."
The preacher was amazed and asked the boy how he managed to sell all those Bibles.
He said, "I-I-I t-t-t-t-told them to b-b-buy t-t-t-t-them or I will r-r-read it to t-t-t-t-them."
One summer evening...
One summer evening, during a violent thunderstorm, a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy."
One summer afternoon
One summer afternoon, a guy walking along the beach finds a bottle. He pulls out the cork, and a genie appears and tells him he has three wishes. "But," the genie says, "I have to warn you, whatever you receive, your worst enemy will get twice as much as you."
"OK," says the guy, "first, I want ten million dollars." The genie grants the wish and reminds him that his worst enemy now has twenty million dollars.
"Next wish, I want a thirty-room mansion in the Bahamas." The genie builds the mansion for him, and lets him know that his worst enemy now has a home twice as big.
"Fine. For the last wish," the guy picks up a big stick and hands it to the genie, "beat me HALF to death."
One summer night
One summer night, a guy called up his girlfriend and asked "Hey Mary, what are you doing tonight?".
"Nothing great, Jack" replied Mary.
"Can I come over tonight?" asked Jack.
"Yeah you can, there will be no one home tonight."
Interested, Jack went to her home. Standing before the front door, he called her name several times and then muttered to himself,
"The girl was right. There is no one in her home tonight."