Why didn't Roy Hodgson go to visit Santa at The North Pole?
He couldn't get past Iceland.
What's David Cameron's favourite Christmas song?
All I Want For Christmas is EU
How did the ornament get addicted to Christmas?
He was hooked on trees his whole life
What does the Grinch do with a baseball bat?
Hits a gnome and runs
What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa?
A rebel without a Claus
Why did Frosty ask for a divorce?
His wife was a total flake
How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?
Nothing. It was on the house!
What do you call an elf wearing ear muffs?
Anything you want. He can’t hear you!
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
What did Adam say to his wife on Christmas?
It’s finally Christmas, Eve!
Why don’t crabs celebrate Christmas?
Because they’re shell-fish.
What’s every parent’s favorite Christmas Carol?
What do you call Santa when he takes a break?
What do you call a cat on the beach on Christmas Day?
Why do Christmas trees like the past so much?
Because the present’s beneath them
Where does mistletoe go to get famous?
Why does Santa always enter through the chimney?
Because it soots him
What do you get when you mix a Christmas tree and an iPad?
What do you call a snowman that can walk?
What do hip-hop artists do on Christmas?
What do you call a frog hanging from the ceiling?
Q: What is the popular carol in Desert?
A: Camel ye Faithful.
Q: Differentiate between Christmas alphabet and ordinary alphabet?
A: The Christmas alphabet has Noel.
Q: What did Adam say to his wife on the day before Christmas?
A: It's Christmas, Eve!
Q: Why the Christmas tree can’t stand up?
A: It doesn’t have legs.
Q: What could be a perfect gift for the station master during Christmas?
A: Platform Shoes.
The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Finland. Now Santa Claus is missing.
Three men die in a car accident on Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the Pearly Gates waiting to enter heaven. On entering they must present something relating to or associated with Christmas. The first man searches his pocket, and finds some mistletoe, so he is allowed in. The second man presents a cracker, so he is also allowed in. The third man pulls out a pair of stockings. Confused at this last gesture, St Peter asks, 'How do these represent Christmas?' Answer: 'They're Carol's.'
Q: What’s a good Christmas tip?
A: Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter.
Q: A snowman loses weight in what way?
A: He waits for the weather to get warmer!
Q: What a big candle says to a small candle on a Christmas Eve?
A: I am going out for dinner tonight.
Q: Why did the kids start eating the puzzle on Christmas?
A: Because their uncle said that it was a piece of cake!
Q: Do I have permission to eat a dog this Christmas?
A: Only Turkey like everyone else.
Q: What best you can put into the Christmas cake?
A: Your teeth.
Q: How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas?
A: Deep pan, crisp and even!
Q: Eskimos sing what during their dinner?
A: "Whale meat again, don't know where, don't know when"!
A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas.
After hearing about this extravagant gift, a friend of his said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty four-wheel-drive vehicles."
"She did," he replied. "But where was I going to find a fake Jeep?"
Q: What's a snowman's favorite Mexican food?
Q: What you can call a polar bear which wears ear muffs?
A: Anything you want. He can't hear you!
Q: Whose Christmas parties are full of screams?
Q: How can you keep Santa busy in the Christmas party?
A: Ask him to take care of your plants.
Q: What kind of music does elves like best when he has to greet?
A: "Wrap" music!
Q: How do you greet an idiot on Boxing Day?
A: Tell him a joke on Christmas Eve!
Q: How to cats greet each other at Christmas?
A: "A furry merry Christmas & Happy mew year!"
Q: How do sheep in Mexico greet Merry Christmas?
A: Fleece Navidad!
Q: What do hungry snowmen put on their ice-burgers?
A: Chilly sauce!
Q: What do you call a snowman on rollerblades?
A: A snowmobile.
Q: How one snowman greets the other one?
A: Ice to meet you.
Q: Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman?
A: You have to hollow out its head first.
Q: Where does a snowman keep his money?
A: In a snow bank.
Q: How did elves climbed up to the top of Santa’s Castle?
A: Using an "Elf"-evator.
Q: Elves use what kind of money?
A: Jingle bills!
Q: What would you call the twelfth elf that comes to help other 11 elves in the workshop?
A: The twelf
Q: What would you call an elf who just has won the lottery?
Q: Where would a reindeer go to find her lost tail?
A: "Re-tail" store.