Father's Day Jokes and Humor

Humor

Add a hint of wit and humor to your Father's Day celebrations and enjoy a hearty laughter and don't forget to make your father a part of it.

1. 1st Friend: What does your father do for a living?
   2nd Friend: He’s a magician. He performs tricks, like sawing people in half.
   1st Friend: Do you have any brothers or sisters?
   2nd Friend: Yep, four half-sisters and a half-brother.
   
   
2. Father is the God who stays back at home, not at heaven.
   
   
   
3. When Peter was 15, he finally got hold of his driver's license. In order to celebrate the special day, the whole family went out to the driveway and climbed into the car to enjoy his first official drive. However, dad went to the back seat, where he sat right behind his boy. When Bob saw his dad he said "Dad, you must be fed up of the front seat after teaching me how to drive all these days Right?" "Nope!", came the quick reply from the dad. "I'm going to sit back here and kick the back of your seat while you drive, just like you've been doing to me for the last sixteen years!"
   
   
4. Bob: How do you like the drum set you got for your birthday?
   David: I love it!
   Bob: Why?
   David: Whenever I don’t play it, my dad gives me 10 bucks!
   
   
5. Dad: Son, if you keep pulling my hair, you will have to get off my shoulders.
   Son: But, Dad, I’m just trying to get my gum back!
   
   
6. What was the difference between the responsibility of a modern day father and a father of 19th century? In 1900, if a father could provide a roof over the head of his family members, then he was successful. But, a modern father is not successful even if he provides a roof, deck, pool, 4- car garages and vacation.
   
   
7. Science teacher: When is the boiling point reached?
   Science student: When my father sees my report card!
   
   
   
8. What is the father’s day for a little child? It’s just like another Mother’s day to him, the only difference, however, is that you don’t need to spend so much.
   
   
9. Five sons asked their father that, “who is most obedient?”
   Father replied that, “The obedient one doesn’t ever talk back to mother”. Quickly, one of his five sons replied that “Okay, dad you are the most obedient then”.
   
   
10. Once a son asked for another glass full of water to his father, the father said that he already has given 10 glasses of water. The son replied that “Yes, but the bedroom is still on fire!”
    
    
11. A little boy said to pastor that he would give him some money when the little boy is grown up. Pastor thanked him and asked the little boy the reason. The little boy mentioned that his father says that the pastor is one of the poorest preachers they ever had.
    
    
12. Teacher (on phone): You say Michael has a cold and can’t come to school today?
    
    To whom am I speaking?
    
    Voice: This is my father.
    
    

13. A small boy was at the zoo with his father.  They were looking at the tigers, and his father was telling him how ferocious they were.

    “Daddy, if the tigers got out and ate you up…”

    “Yes, son?” the father asked, ready to console him.

    “…Which bus would I take home?”

    
    
14. Father and his son were quietly sitting on a beach and were counting the waves. Suddenly, the child pointed towards a dead bird and asked what happened to it? His father replied that, it just passed away and went to heaven. The little boy thought for a moment and asked surprisingly, why the God did throw it back then?
    
    
15. Name two people who don’t ever hesitate to embarrass you in front of your friends? Mom and Dad!!
    
    
16. Do fathers always snore?
    No - only when they are asleep!
    
    
    
17. "Daddy, Daddy, can I have another glass of water please?"
    "But I've given you 10 glasses of water already!"
    "Yes, but the bedroom is still on fire!"
    
    
18. Why do golfers take an extra pair of socks? In case they get a hole in one!
    
    
19. Letters
    
    Dear Dad,
    
    $chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
    
    Love,
    Your $on
    
    
    The Reply: (to the above)
    
    Dear Son,
    
    I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
    
    Dad
    
    
20. One evening a little girl and her parents were sitting around the table eating supper. The little girl said, "Daddy, you're the boss, aren't you?" Her Daddy smiled, pleased, and said yes. The little girl continued "That's because Mummy put you in charge, right?"
    
    
21. Today nearly 100 years have elapsed since the first father's Day was celebrated. Fathers of 1900 didn't have it nearly as good as fathers of today; but they did have a few advantages: In 1900, fathers prayed their children would learn English. Today, fathers pray their children will speak English.
    
    
22. Johnny’s father: Let me see your report card.
    
    Johnny: I don’t have it.
    
    Johnny’s father: Why not?
    
    Johnny: My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents.
    
    
23. "Fathers are the geniuses of the house because only a person as intelligent as we could fake such stupidity. Think about your father: He doesn't know where anything is. You ask him to do something, he messes it up and your mother sends you: "Go down and see what your father's doing before he blows up the house." He's a genius at work because he doesn't want to do it, and he knows someone will be coming soon to stop him." -- Bill Cosby
    
    
24. It is a wise father that knows his own child. - William Shakespeare
    
    
25. A company held a contest for kids with the theme: "The nicest thing My Father Ever Did For Me." One kid answered "He married my mother."
    
    
26. Did You Know?
    There are more collect calls on Father's Day than any other day of the year.
    An estimated $1 billion is spent each year in the United States for Father's Day gifts, but Dad is still paying the bill when it comes to telephone calls from the kids.
    
    
27. New and Improved
    The little girl was sitting in her father's lap as he read her a goodnight story. From time to time, she would take her eye's off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. By and by she was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again.
    Finally she spoke, "daddy, did God make you?"
    "Yes, sweetheart" he answered, "God made me a long time ago."
    "Oh she said," then "daddy, did God make me too?"
    "Yes, indeed honey" he assured her. "God made you just a little while ago."
    "Oh" she said. Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, "God's getting better at it now isn't he?"
    
    
28. My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.
    
    
29. My Dad thinks he wears the trousers in our house, but it's always Mum who tells him which pair to put on!
    
    
30. Dadisms
    "You're going to sit there until you eat your dinner. I don't care if you sit there all night."
    "Delayed obedience is disobedience. "
    "When I say no, I mean no. Why? Because, that's why."
    "If you don't stop crying, I'll give you something to cry about."
    "Two wrongs do not make a right."
    "As long as you tried your hardest, that's all that matters."
    "I'm spanking you because I love you. This hurts me a lot more than it hurts you."
    "If I didn't hear it, you didn't say it! "
    "Shape up or ship out."
    "That's so funny? Wipe that smile off your face."
    "We'll do it the right way. My way."
    "Don't ask me, ask your mother."
    "This is your last warning. "
    "Four things come not back: time past, the spoken word, the sped arrow and a missed opportunity. "
    "You'll realize the value of money once you start earning. "
    "Son, don't ever get married. And tell that to your kids."
    "Enough is enough! "
    "Do what I say, not what I do."
    "When I was your age.... "